I’m speaking post being at a week long retreat where I spent the majority of the time around 9 beautiful “young adolescent” teens and some adults. While all in all, it was a GREAT week! It didn’t start out that way.
It was odd. Now, while I knew it would be “different” as I was told it would be unlike anything I had ever done before (which is true of everything I do from this point forward in my life…) I didn’t know what “they” were talking about. I found out.
Odd? What do I mean by that? Well, there were instructions (so to speak) yet, so much of the information given seemed also to be relatively optional… This was a first. Do (as in bring) what feels “right” to you and don’t what doesn’t was pretty much the message though I received though there were a few things that stood out to me as seemed mandatory. (Was that simply my energetic read?)
The first few days I wanted to tear my hair out and scream or maybe walk away. Why was there so much confusion and seemingly unnecessary time spent doing piddly (though necessary) things that in my mind would have already been done or decided? Can’t we just do what needs to be done (knowing upfront) so that “we” can go outside in the beautiful environment and enjoy ourselves? After all, kids will be arriving and our time will be spoken why are we not already more prepared to receive them? So much time futsing on what could already have been done? I was told that “process” over “product” was where the emphasis was being placed. What kind of process believes in holding back “what other people determine to be unnecessary information that you wouldn’t run an even of this nature without?
Why have suck lack of order and clarity purposely built into the program? It made no sense to me. (And, while I still wouldn’t run an event “purposely” this way. It was perfect for my newest birthing of myself.)
Anyway, the week went on and I observed more things that made no sense to me. I rolled with it though not without asking my questions and seeking the answers to the questions that were relevant to me. Efficiency, order and what I deem to be clear communication are important to me not to mention “safety” which the event fully supported yet in what to me was “an odd way”. Feeling well prepared for my guest and having what feels like the tools at my disposal to do as is my place to do are important to me. .
Some of the answers I received were unsatisfactory to me and still make no sense to me while other parts and pieces have become more clear. All in all, it was a great way and place for me to grow in a fashion that I KNOW I made a difference (in a good way) in the lives of those around me.
I was always willing and open to rolling with it and I did until I decided what I would no longer roll with.
Day 3 or 4 of 7 came along and I changed my tune. I would be the one to decide which so called, “rules” I would and wouldn’t break. Be respectful yes, though no longer would I allow another to override me because they believe they know what is best when my heart and being is crying out for something different.
I asked myself a few questions and realized that “this” was exactly the kind of energy that played out in my family of origin. I didn’t like it then, I don’t like it now and NOW, I’m ready to avow to myself that I’m done.
I’m done allowing others to cause me to believe that they know better for me than I know best for myself. I realized that I had internal information that “they” were not privy to and as such, I was the only one who could answer for (and to) the truth that spoke within me, my heart and cellular being.
The rest of my week went “Peachy”! Yes, it was tiring as the days ran into the nights which felt like three days in one. I still haven’t napped, showered or finished unpacking because I couldn’t wait to share my joy!
Joy to YOU!
Yes, the frustration, irritation and plain annoyance was worth the change I now experience! Thank God, Universe and SELF! And, all the people who played their parts so beautifully in my re-orienting as to who I am.
Should I be on the red carpet, I would thank Joyce, Chris, Ginger, Steve, Mark, Kayla, Sophie, Britney, Chris, Ryan, Nick, Allie, Taylor, Asia, Jessica, Ellie and many more as we are all connected in THE ONE.